Its getting late and nearly dark and I am driving up towards Scotland to see my sisters after another meeting with the NHS. The traffic has stopped, brake lights reflected in the torrential summer downpour that has the traffic at a standstill.
Lightning flashes from skyline to skyline, it's seems like daylight once more, and a few seconds later, thunder crashes down and the silence is broken.
Its been another tiring day, and another day with very little progress towards the truth.
Averil didn't have to die ....
She only needed help from the clinicians that were supposed to be looking after her, but to get an admission of negligence or lack of care in the current NHS climate seems a distant hope.
Averil fought bravely to keep her illness at bay, and her sisters and mother and I have fought to find the truth for eighteen months since Averil's death.
I asked the NHS at today's meeting for "bravery". Bravery to speak out and to find out what went wrong in Averil's care.
The flash of lightning in the moment of asking was there for all to see.
but The Thunder never came and the energy of the question just hung in the room flickering.
There was just Silence.
It seemed like that the lack of response was just like a minutes silence for Averil.
.... but it was also an empty minute of silence for the NHS.
A minutes silence for the death of honesty and integrity amongst the clinicians and managers that have hidden the truth about Averil's death.
A minutes silence for all those suffering from AN and ED's who will not get to know what went wrong and therefore may never see the badly needed improvements in the NHS that they deserve.
Maybe it was a minutes silence for me too, to help me to think about all of my three daughters and how much they mean to me and how much I love them.